


Another Week, Another Month

by TechnologicalNoiz



Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, TW drug addiction, TW: Vomit, TW: Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 18:12:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17965571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnologicalNoiz/pseuds/TechnologicalNoiz
Summary: Addiction/withdrawal for bad things happen bingo.





	Another Week, Another Month

It’s too much. It’s always too much. You sit there staring at the tiny unassuming pill in your hand. This will help. This will make you numb again, unable to see into the mind of others, unable to truly feel. It will be nice. You remember how good it felt to be taken out of your head, floating… at ease. Just once you tell yourself. Just once then you will go back to how things were. You pop the pill into your mouth, swallowing. Now all you need to do is wait for it to take effect.

It is never just once. The relief is too much to give up. The comfortable numbness settles over your mind and body.  _It’s quite. It’s so incredibly quiet._  Why did you ever stop taking these? _Because you needed to be coherent in order to escape, to stay free. You push the thought deep. It doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters. The d_ ays melt together forming one long, endless stream of nothingness. Your phone rings, you ignore it. It’s not important. The only thing that is is the sensation of quiet bliss clouding your mind. You are no longer Cyrus. You are no longer Puppetmaster. You are just an empty shell that used to contain sentience.

When you need to function you keep the dose small. You need to keep up the appearance of normalcy. You still meet Chen at the dog park, but not as often. You don’t need telepathy to know that he is worried about you. They taught you how to read expressions. The slight twitch of a muscle near the mouth, disapproval. The momentary wrinkles near the eyes, joy. The slight furrow between the eyebrows… worry. Body language, subtle social cues are how most people function. You are not a person, not really, but you still know how to act like one.

“Is something wrong?” His voice is cautious, something dark lurking behind his eyes. You don’t know what it is. You can’t read it. You don’t care. The silence is nice.

“No,” you look him in the eyes momentarily before shifting you attention back to the play dogs, “why would there be?”

“You just seem…” A sigh, frustration. “Never mind. I won’t pry. Just,” the pause is too long, you look back over, he is staring at you, “if you need help, let me know.”

“I’m fine Chen.” You shrug, standing from the bench. “Thanks for your concern. I should get going.”

“Cyrus wait.” He grabs your arm, moving to stand in front of you. “Promise me that you can handle this, or that you will ask for help if you can’t.”  _He knows, he knows he knows heknowsheknows…_

“I’m fine, really.” You avoid his eyes, pulling yourself out of his grasp. He lets you go. “I don’t need your help, or your silent judgment.” You don’t look back as you walk away. You don’t see the sorrow on his face or the pain in his eyes. More importantly, you don’t feel it in his mind…

Another week, another month. Who knows how long it has been. You need to stop. You know you do. But you won’t be able to on your own. You don’t realise that you called someone until you hear the familiar voice in your ear full of worry and something else…  “Hello? Are you alright? Cyrus?” You have grown distant, secluding yourself from the people who care about you. If you cut off all contact they won’t know what’s going on.

“Chen?” Your voice breaks. You sound terrified, confused. “I need help.” A moment of clarity in the months of blissful confusion. You can’t keep going like this, they will find you sooner if you do. You don’t want to go back. You can’t. A strangled sob escaped your lips.

“Shit.” A curse muttered to himself. “Where are you? I’m on my way.”

“At my apartment.” Your hands are shaking.

“Stay there. I’ll be there soon.”

You hang up the phone, glancing at the pill bottle in your hand. The distant sensation of people around you slowly trickling into your mind. It won’t be pleasant when the damn breaks. One more. One more and that will be all.

A sound. Hurried shoes scuff against the floor, doors open and close. Someone is here. You don’t care. A familiar face wanders into view. Chen. Distantly you wonder how he got in. You smile at him. Your head feels light. It’s quiet. What is he thinking? You can’t tell. You don’t care. All you want to do it lay down and watch the world float by, numb to the pain of reality.

“What did you take?” His voice is distorted as if traveling through water. You don’t answer, just sit there smiling, eyes slowly closing. “Shit.” You hear him moving around looking for the bottle. You can still tell what is happening, but you no longer care, your mind is wrapped in a blanket of drug induced serenity.

“There.” Sluggishly you point towards where you tossed them. “It’s so quiet Chen. Is it always this quiet for you?” You don’t hear if he answers.

A moment later there is a hand on your shoulder. “Can you stand?”

“mmhm,” your eyelids are heavy, your body relaxed, “don’t wanna though. Floor’s nice.”

You are wrapped in a pair of strong arms, lifted off of the ground, or at least you think your are. You are already floating so it is difficult to tell. You don’t remember the car ride to his apartment, or him bringing you inside, laying you gently on the bed.

Another moment of clarity. You open your eyes. Where are you? That’s right you called Chen… “Get rid of them.” You lick your lips, your mouth is dry. You look at him still unable to read his mind, feel his presence. Your body has become dependent on the drugs. You know it has but you also know that if you are allowed any relief from the pain that is to come you will never stop.

You sit, exhaling slowly as your fists clench the sheets. Tremors are already starting to wrack your body. You make your way to the bathroom. You’ve been here many times before, you know your way around. You hear his footsteps behind you. “This is going to be painful for me, but you need to keep them away.” You glance quickly at him. Will he be able to handle it? Of course he will. That’s why you called him, but will you be able to handle it? You know what is coming. You have gone through this before.  _24 hours, you just need to make it through the first 24 hours. That is always the worst._

Awareness comes rushing back in a cacophony of thoughts. The floodgates have opened. Your mind splitting as it is overwhelmed. Your knees hit the ground. You grab your head covering your ears, an anguished scream tears itself from your throat. You throw up. The pain in your head is too much. The thoughts are too loud.  _Make it stop make it stop make it stop._ “Please make it stop.” The lights are too bright. You squeeze your eyes shut, tears running steadily down your face. Cold sweats soak through your clothes as your body shakes violently.

A hand on your shoulders, on you hair. Too many hands, always too many. Poking and prodding, directing you to do as you are told. If you did the pain would stop. “Please… make it stop. I’ll be good. I swear. Just don’t hurt me anymore.” It’s hard to breathe, your lungs constrict. You continue rambling, begging, pleading with them to just make the pain end, then you black out.

You draw in a shaky, ragged breath. You head hurts, your body aches.  _You can hear their thoughts._ Spoon paces anxiously outside the door. Something cool is pressed against your forehead. You open your still too sensitive eyes, the room is dim. You are back in Chen’s bed, he is sitting at your side holding a damp cloth to your clammy skin. You are so thirsty, the bitter taste of bile still on your tongue, burning the back of your throat.

You try to sit up, collapsing again when you are unable to hold your weight. Carefully Chen removes the cloth from your skin as he wraps a sturdy arm under your shoulders. Your exhausted body trembles in his grasp as he helps you sit. “Sorry Chen,” your voice cracks, your throat raw. “I didn’t know who else to turn to.” He lifts a glass water to your lips. You drink greedily, quickly draining the glass. He goes to fill another, Spoon darting into the room the moment the door opens, hopping up onto the bed to lick your face.

You can’t stop the small laugh bubbling up from your chest as you wrap your arms around him. “I’ve missed you too buddy. Sorry for worrying you.” You miss Chen’s smile but you can feel the softness in his thoughts as he leaves the room to get you more water.

When he returns Spoon has turned your lap into a comfortable bed. “You should eat something. Do you think you can manage some toast?”

A bitter chuckle. “Probably not but it’s worth a try.”

“Alright I’ll make you some anyways, just eat what you can.” He sets the glass down on the side table and leaves the room once again.

“He’s a good guy Spoon. Make sure to take care of him alright?” He gives you a small huff as he lifts his head to lick your face again. You shift in the bed, Spoon moving from your lap so you can lay down. He resettles by your side and you put your arms around him. You are exhausted physically and mentally. You forgot how hard the comedown was… In time you will probably forget again. By the time Chen returns you are lost once more to the vicious embrace of sleep.


End file.
